First steps to take in the wedding planning journey after you get engaged
The moments after you get engaged are some of the most special and exciting moments that you’ll ever experience. Yet once the dust settles from the whirlwind couples are often hit with a wave of panic… “where do I start?”, “what is the first thing I should do to start planning my wedding?”... the list goes on!
You are NOT alone! This feeling you have is normal. What else in your life have you one day not been doing or thinking about and then the next day been thrown in the “deep end”? Kindergarten? The first day of a new job? A move? The first thing you need to do is accept that it’s ok to feel a little overwhelmed, you’re not abnormal because you instinctively do not know how to plan a wedding. We are here to help and outline the first steps to take upon saying yes!
Photo: Justin Johnson Photography
Enjoy Being Engaged
Avoid the Pinterest Rabbit Hole
You will have people asking you about your date, location, color palette, wedding party attire, floral inspiration, etc. on the same day you get engaged...don’t feel like you have to have those answers yet. And in our opinion don’t be afraid to set some expectations right off the bat — “we’ve been engaged for X days, we really are focusing on enjoying this moment versus rushing into the next”.
Starting Planning Too Soon
Sometimes, digging into planning too soon puts more emphasis on the ‘fanfare’ of the wedding versus remembering the significance of the day and why it’s important for YOU and your partner to begin this new chapter. That being said, if you’re the individual who is excited about research, spreadsheets, and vendor contracts, by all means dig in, but in the process don’t lose site of the bigger picture.
Create Alone Time
Make sure to set time aside for just you and your partner. Have a weekly date night! Oftentimes we see couples so consumed by the details right away they set their partner aside. Remember the wedding day will come and go, but the marriage and your relationship is what needs to stand the test of time!
Photo: Brittney Raine Photography
Sharing Your Happy News
Spreading News of Engagement Far and Wide
Once that ring is on the finger or the question has been asked and you’ve said YES… it is a natural inclination to want to scream it from the rooftops! “FINALLY…. I thought it was never going to happen!” However, once that ring shot goes live on Instagram, keep in mind what will follow… attention. If you want to bask in all the well wishes, get all those Instagram likes, create jealousy and envy amongst your peers (exaggerating… a little) that is totally ok. But once the champagne is un-corked you can’t shove that sucker back in. So if you’re the type to avoid the limelight and want to curtail any unsolicited wedding advice, maybe consider keeping the big news and just sharing with immediate family and friends.
Don’t Rush Into Selecting Your Wedding Party
It’s common that once you’ve shared the oh so exciting news with friends and family, they’ll want to know, “who’s in your wedding party?” “I’m totally a bridesmaid right?” Remember once the invite is extended to be a part of your big day, you can’t easily back out of it without seriously injuring some feelings. Our suggestion to couples is to often pump the breaks, let people know you’re thinking about what you want for your ceremony versus jumping to hand out wedding party invites. Oftentimes couples don’t realize how expensive wedding parties can get. Especially in today’s wedding planning world where couples feel that by inviting people to be part of your wedding you’re responsible for covering everything (you’re not mind you… but that’s how a lot of couples view it). So having a smaller wedding party can be a great way to save money and reallocate it elsewhere.
Photo: Viva Love Photo
Create a Wedding Budget
A budget is a MUST and one of the first things you should do before delving into the details of planning. You NEED to have a number. It doesn’t matter if over time the number changes. Spoiler alert: it almost definitely will.
Why A Wedding Budget is Necessary
If you have a baseline number in mind, it will be your guiding hand throughout the many decisions you’ll have to make throughout the planning process. Every decision you have to make — selecting a venue, choosing a photographer, finalizing flowers — comes with a price tag. If you go into those decisions knowing what you can afford, it almost removes a level of stress because you don’t have to be wishy washy. Yes, I can afford that. No, that’s not in my budget. If during the planning process you choose to go over budget, say there’s a wedding lounge you’ve been eyeing up, if it’s more than what you anticipated you get to make a conscious decision about going over your budget versus retroactively looking back and feeling regret.
Wedding Budgets are Key to Decision Making
If you are lacking a wedding budget or just going off what you *think* your number there is a greater risk of making decisions along the way that you will come to regret. A great example of this is booking a venue. Couples often are SO eager to get the planning underway that they’ll start researching venues, pick one that they like, and book it without any consideration as to how that will affect other elements of their wedding. By booking that venue have you now so greatly reduced your floral budget that you won’t be able to have centerpieces? Have you booked that venue on a whim because you were so eager to ‘have a venue’ that you didn’t ask about additional costs or upgrades that might be necessary to execute your vision? Start with a budget, period!
Wedding Budget Tools
There are a lot of great tools out there to help with creating a wedding budget. While they are great tools, don’t take any one over the other as gospel. Look at them as a guideline where you can alter it to fit your needs. For example if typically florals are 8% of overall wedding budget and photography is 10%, but for you your priorities are florals over photography, don’t be afraid to adjust those numbers.
Photo: Danfredo Photo + Film
Do Your Wedding Research
When you get engaged, an influx of information comes to you from not only the internet but friends, coworkers, family, friends, family friends, parents, parent’s friends’ children… you get the picture! You need to be aware of your personal limits and how much information you can handle before you reach that tipping point. If everyone and their brother is dolling out wedding advice and that is making you feel anxious and overwhelmed, then right off the bat you need to establish a way to shut that down. You can choose to listen and let it go in one ear and out the other of develop a little phrase that lets people you got this — ”you know what I’m sure that’s a great idea, however, we are really diving into doing our own research and embracing the process of figuring it out on our own”.
Selecting Your Wedding Vendor Team
As with all things wedding everyone in your life, on your Facebook wall, and at work is going to be oh so happy to share their wedding vendor recommendations with you. Couple that with the overwhelming amount of Google search results, Knot listings, advertisements in magazines… the wedding vendors that you just have to. have will be coming at ya hot and heavy. As with all wedding advice and information you receive, remember to take things with a grain of salt.
Even though your best friend is RAVING about how phenomenal her wedding photographer is, while it doesn’t mean you can’t look into them, they might have a totally different aesthetic, personality, or price point than works for you. Sometimes turning to an unbiased third party — like your wedding planner or amazing photographer that you LOVE — can be super helpful.
Getting a recommendation from a vendor for another vendor is going to be based in more fact versus feeling. They’re not likely to recommend someone who is not trustworthy or whom they’ve worked with before and has been late to a wedding. Plus because you’ve already booked them, they have an idea of your price point and can make a more informed referral. Bottom line, wedding vendors are businesses, the information that you’re encountering on Google, their website, The Knot is carefully curated, which is perfectly acceptable but food for thought as you begin your vendor selection.
Being engaged is something to celebrate, you’re beginning a new chapter in your life and you get to write the narrative. Don’t let it be a story filled with stress, anxiety and a large dose of overwhelm. You got this and should you want a wedding planner to help guide you through the process, we’re here to help!
Photo: Viva Love Photo
At Heart & Dash we love working with couples who identify as planning a non-traditional wedding. What that means to each couple is different, but no matter what it is that’s causing you stress, we’re here to help!